Letter of Wishes: UK Guide and Template
Your will’s secret sidekick: what is a Letter of Wishes?
A Letter of Wishes is your personal message to those you'll leave behind: a chance to share your thoughts, hopes, and guidance beyond the legal formalities of your will. While your will handles the "what" of your estate, your Letter of Wishes explains the "why" and adds the human touch that legal documents often lack. While it isn’t legally binding, it provides invaluable insight to your executors, family, and friends about your personal preferences, including guidance for those tasked with carrying out your final arrangements, that might not be strictly covered by the will itself.
Think of it as your final conversation with loved ones: warm, personal, and filled with the things you'd want to say if you could be there yourself. It's not legally binding, but it's often the most treasured document families receive after a loss.
Letter of Wishes vs will: understanding the difference
Many people wonder why they need both documents. Here's a table showing the key distinctions.
OK, so what's the scope of a Letter of Wishes?
In the UK, this letter can cover a range of topics, from how you’d like your funeral to be handled, to the care of cherished personal belongings. You can even include more sensitive topics, like your wishes regarding the upbringing of any dependants, or even a few words of advice for the times ahead. It’s like leaving behind a final, heartfelt note that helps ensure your intentions are clear and your legacy is respected.
Add heart to the hard stuff
Because the Letter of Wishes isn’t legally enforceable, it offers a bit more flexibility than a Will. It’s your space to be candid and expressive, to add that personal touch which legal documents can sometimes lack. It gives your executors and loved ones a clearer picture of your state of mind, which can be particularly useful in situations where the will may leave room for interpretation.
Where there's a will, there's a 'why'
Think of a Letter of Wishes as the human side of your estate planning. While your will deals with the nuts and bolts of asset distribution, your Letter of Wishes deals with the ‘why’ behind your choices. It’s a thoughtful way to ensure that those left behind aren’t just left with instructions, but with a deeper understanding of your values and wishes during an already difficult time. Let's look at how to build this Letter in more detail in the next section.
What to include in your Letter of Wishes
Your letter can cover anything important to you, but here are the most valuable topics:
Personal messages
For your family:
Individual messages to spouse, children, or other relatives
Expressions of love and gratitude
Life advice or wisdom you want to share
Hopes for their future
Acknowledgment of special relationship
Example: "To my daughter Sarah: You've brought such joy to my life with your creativity and kindness. Never doubt your artistic talents—that painting you did at age 12 still makes me smile. Follow your dreams, even when they scare you."
Funeral preferences
While not legally binding, your wishes carry significant moral weight:
Key details to include:
Burial or cremation preference
Specific funeral home if you have one in mind
Type of service (religious, humanist, celebration of life)
Music selections and readings
Who you'd like to speak
Flowers or charitable donations
Wake or reception preferences
Example: "I'd really like a churchyard burial at St Mary's Church, Redford Haven. The rector already has a plot saved for me next to my mother. Please play 'What a Wonderful World' and ask my friend James to share some of our hiking stories. Instead of flowers, I'd love donations to Mountain Rescue England and Wales."
Personal belongings guidance
Your will handles valuable assets, but your letter can address sentimental items:
Consider including:
Who should receive specific personal items
Stories behind treasured possessions
Books, photos, or collections
Items of sentimental vs monetary value
Digital assets like photos or videos
Example: "My father's Rolex watch should go to Thomas as he always admired it, and Grandad would have wanted him to have it. The photo albums from our family holidays are for all of you to share; please make copies so everyone has the memories."
Guardianship guidance
If you have minor children, provide context for your guardian choice:
Important points:
Why you chose these guardians
Your parenting values and priorities
Educational preferences
Religious or cultural upbringing
Maintaining family connections
Financial guidance for their care
Example: "We've chosen Anna and David as guardians because they share our values about education and outdoor life. Please ensure the children maintain close relationships with both sets of grandparents and continue their music lessons if they wish."
Explanations of will decisions
Sometimes provisions in your will need context.
You might explain:
Unequal distributions
Specific conditions on gifts
Charitable bequests
Trust arrangements
Business succession plans
Example: "I've left a larger portion to Michael not out of favouritism, but because Sarah received substantial help with her house deposit. This equalises my lifetime giving to both children."
Pet care instructions
Creating detailed guidance ensures your pets receive proper care:
Include:
Daily routines and preferences
Veterinary information
Favourite foods and activities
Behavioural quirks
End-of-life preferences
See my comprehensive Pet Care Planning guide for detailed templates.
Digital Legacy Wishes
Guide management of your online presence:
Consider:
Social media preferences (memorialise, delete, maintain)
Important online accounts
Digital photo collections
Email account handling
Website or blog management
Follow this link to my Digital Estate Planning guide for comprehensive review of ensuring your digital estate is properly managed.
Business or Professional Matters
If you own a business or have professional obligations:
Address:
Immediate steps for business continuity
Key contacts and passwords
Client notification preferences
Succession planning details
Professional network contacts
Life Lessons and Values
Share what matters most:
Consider including:
Core values you hope to pass on
Important life lessons learned
Family history or stories
Hopes for family unity
Forgiveness or reconciliation wishes
How to write Your Letter of Wishes
This is a long section, and it may feel daunting to start. Don't let perfectionism stop you from starting. A simple, heartfelt letter written today is worth more than a perfect one never written. Also, if you scroll to the bottom, you'll find my templates, making it even easier for you to start. Here's some further tips to help you on this document which has potential to bring joy to your loved ones like no other.
1. Choose your format
Handwritten adds personal touch but can be harder to update
Typed allows easy updates and clear readability
Scroll to the bottom to find my templates, which can help you choose.
Video messages can supplement written letters
2. Set the right tone
Write as if speaking directly to your loved ones
Be warm and personal, not formal
Use your natural voice
Include humour if that's your style
3. Structure your thoughts
Start with expressions of love
Move through practical matters
End with hope and encouragement
Consider separate sections for different people
Writing tips
Be specific: Instead of: "Divide my jewellery fairly", try: "Sarah should have Mum's engagement ring as she always admired it. The pearl necklace is for Emma, as pearls were her birthstone."
Share stories: Instead of: "Give Tom my guitar", try: "Tom should have my Gibson guitar as we spent many evenings playing together, and I hope he'll teach his children those same songs."
Avoid demands: Instead of: "You must holiday together annually", try: "I hope you'll continue our tradition of family holidays as those times together were precious to me."
Include gratitude
Thank those who've enriched your life
Acknowledge sacrifices made
Express appreciation for relationships
Share favourite memories
What to avoid
Don't include:
Legally binding instructions (put these in your will)
Negative comments or old grievances
Conditions that create conflict
Financial account details or passwords
Anything that contradicts your will
Don't use it to:
Disinherit someone (must be done in will)
Create legal obligations
Reveal harmful secrets
Settle old scores
Make demands from beyond
Examples
Example opening
"My Dearest Family,
If you're reading this, it means I'm no longer with you in person, but please know that my love remains with each of you always. I'm writing this letter to share some thoughts, explain some decisions, and most importantly, to tell you how much you've meant to me.
First, please don't mourn too long. Celebrate the wonderful times we shared and look forward to making new memories with each other..."
Example funeral wishes
"For my funeral, I'd like you to keep things simple and personal. I'd prefer cremation at Greenacres, with my ashes scattered at Beacon Hill where we had so many family picnics.
Please make it a celebration of life rather than a sombre occasion. Play some Beatles songs—'Here Comes the Sun' would be perfect. Ask people to share funny stories rather than formal eulogies. And definitely have good food at the wake—you know how I loved bringing people together over a meal!"
Example personal item distribution
"Some thoughts on personal belongings not covered in my will:
My book collection: Please let everyone choose what they'd like. I've left notes in many books about who might particularly enjoy them.
Photo albums: Please digitise these and share with everyone. The originals should stay with whoever has space to store them properly.
My workshop tools: These should go to someone who'll use them. Perhaps young Jamie would like them as he starts his apprenticeship..."
Legal considerations
Legal status in the UK
Important points:
Not legally binding but carries moral weight
Courts may consider it for interpretation
Cannot override will provisions
Remains private (unlike wills after probate)
No witnessing requirements
Relationship to your will
Your Letter of Wishes:
Supplements but cannot contradict your will
Should be referenced in your will
Store together but as separate documents
Update more frequently than your will
Share with executors
Include in Your Will: "I have prepared a Letter of Wishes which I store with this will. While not legally binding, I request my executors and beneficiaries consider its contents when administering my estate."
Making changes
Unlike your will, you can:
Update anytime without witnesses
Make handwritten amendments
Replace entirely as needed
Add supplementary notes
Create multiple versions for different people
Always:
Date each version
Destroy old versions
Inform executors of updates
Ensure latest version is with will
Common questions
Do I need a solicitor to write a Letter of Wishes?
No, you don't need any legal professional. This is your personal letter to loved ones. Write it yourself in your own words—that's what makes it special and meaningful.
Can I record a video instead?
Yes! Video messages can be wonderful supplements to written letters. However, keep a written version too as it's easier to reference and store with your will. Consider video for personal messages and written for practical guidance.
Should I give copies to family before I die?
This is entirely your choice. Some people share certain sections (like funeral wishes) while keeping personal messages private. Others prefer everything to remain private until after death. Do what feels right for you.
Can my Letter of Wishes change my will?
No, it cannot override any will provisions. If your letter contradicts your will, the will takes precedence. That's why it's important to ensure both documents align and review them together.
What if family members are hurt by the contents?
Write with love and sensitivity. Focus on positive messages and explanations rather than criticisms. If addressing difficult topics, consider whether they truly need to be included or might be better discussed in life.
How long should my letter be?
There's no required length. Some people write pages; others keep it brief. Write what feels necessary to communicate your wishes and feelings. Quality matters more than quantity.
Can I have different letters for different people?
Absolutely. Many people write a main letter plus individual notes to specific people. Just ensure your executors know about all documents and where to find them.
Should I mention people I'm not leaving anything to?
Only if you feel explanation would be helpful. If someone might expect to inherit but doesn't, a kind explanation can prevent hurt feelings and potential disputes.
Download Letter of Wishes Template
I offer two completely free formats for your Letter of Wishes:
Letter of Wishes Template - Word Format
Fully editable
Type directly into sections
Easy to update
Professional format
Letter of Wishes Template - PDF Format
Print and handwrite
Larger spaces for writing
Personal touch
Good for single use