Your Funeral and Memorial

Leaving Love, Not Guesswork

When we think about death, we often focus on the logistics: what needs doing, signing, organising. But your funeral and memorial are much more than admin. They’re your last message to the people who loved you, and they have the power to bring enormous comfort.

If you’ve ever attended a funeral that felt cold, impersonal, or not quite "them", you’ll know exactly why this matters. So let’s talk about how to make it meaningful: for you, and for those you leave behind.

Host Your Own Farewell (Before You Go)

If your time is short, and you’re well enough, consider gathering the people you love for a living goodbye—a kind of “pre-wake,” if you like.

Throw a party:
Celebrate your life with those who matter most. Laugh, reminisce, eat cake, hug everyone. These moments can be joyous, cathartic, and unforgettable - for you and for them.
Make memories while you still can:
Sometimes, a simple afternoon with friends around the table sharing stories is the most healing experience of all. Give them the gift of connection while you’re still part of it.

Take Time to Say Goodbye

Many don’t get this opportunity. If you do, don’t waste it.

Say what matters:
“I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I forgive you,” or even just “thank you.” These simple words carry enormous weight and can bring comfort for years to come.
Ease the pain:
Thoughtful, intentional goodbyes help both you and your loved ones move forward with fewer regrets and more peace.

Create a List of Who Matters Most

It’s not a job you want your family fumbling through during the fog of grief.

Make a contact list:
Write down names and contact details of the people you’d want informed. Old friends, work colleagues, neighbours, people who may not be on social media.
Ease the emotional burden:
It spares your family the awkwardness of not knowing who to reach out to—and avoids anyone finding out through a casual post online.

**What Kind of Funeral Do You Want?**

It’s your farewell—so you get to set the tone. There's no "right" way to do it.

Ask yourself:

Do you want something quiet and traditional, or joyful and full of music?
Should it be religious, spiritual, humanist, or something else entirely?
Would you like a celebration of life or something more reflective?

You might want a simple ceremony in a local crematorium with a few close friends, or a full-on knees-up with playlists, photos, laughter, and stories.

Maybe you want people to wear black. Or maybe you’d rather they wore bright colours, fancy dress, or football shirts. All of it is allowed.

The key is intention. Think about how your funeral can reflect who you are and how it can bring peace to the people you love most.

Personal Touches Matter More Than You Think

What turns a service into a memory is the small details. Consider leaving notes on things like:

Readings or poems you love
Songs that mean something to you (or that make people laugh)
Photos or slideshows that should be shared
Personal items you'd like displayed: art, letters, even your muddy walking boots

Give people something that feels like you. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be honest.

Wakes and Gatherings: Don’t Forget the Afterparty

After the ceremony, the wake is where people come together to talk, eat, cry, and—most importantly—share stories. It’s a vital part of grieving. So think about how you’d like it to feel.

Pub lunch or garden party?
Music playing in the background or silence?
A toast in your honour, or a game of cards with your mates?

You don’t need to plan every detail. Just leave your family a clear sense of what you’d like - and the freedom to make it happen their way too.

Memorials: How Would You Like to Be Remembered?

Some people want a physical place where their loved ones can visit and feel close. Others want their ashes scattered in a place they loved. Others still want something completely different.

Here are some gentle suggestions:

A bench or tree in your favourite park or wood
A charity donation fund or scholarship in your name
A memory book full of messages, stories and photos
A capsule of your letters, journals, or music
A digital memorial page, where people can post messages and tributes

Some want a headstone, some don’t. Some want no trace left at all. Whatever your choice, make it known, and tell your loved ones why. That way, it becomes an act of meaning for them too.

Organ Donation: Leave Behind One Last Gift

If you're willing to help others live after you're gone, organ donation is one of the most powerful legacies you can leave.

Make it official:
You can register your decision at NHS Organ Donation or simply let your family know your wishes.
Even if you're already registered:
Talk to your loved ones. In moments of grief, clarity matters. Knowing you wanted this can help them say yes confidently, and proudly.

If you'd like to know more before making a decision, see my dedicated page on organ donation.

This Is a Gift to Your Loved Ones

Funeral and memorial planning isn’t just about how you're remembered. It’s about how you make your loved ones feel after you're gone.

You don’t need to map out every detail like a military operation - but do leave guidance. It eases the burden for your family at the hardest moment of their lives.

And most of all: do it your way.

Whether that means jazz music, a roast dinner, or a formal eulogy with tissues all round, your funeral and your memorial should feel like your story’s final chapter.

You can leave behind a legacy of certainty, comfort, and even joy. You can ease their grief, lift some of their burden, and remind them - right to the end - that you were thinking of them.

Because love isn’t just in what we say or do. It’s also in what we leave behind when we’ve said our last goodbye.